Penis Pouch

Man In A Bag

“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches“

Wow! Finally a way to determine your pleasure assurance! The Penis Pouch is your yard stick to ecstasy! Our coffee bag is 12” long ( scary, huh? ) and each inch tells you what you can expect from your lover.

This is a great “ gag “ gift for the ladies – goes over big time at Bachelorette parties and girls night out !! When your Penis Pouch is empty it can serve as a condom (maybe not), penis gift wrap, first date measuring tool and a pleasure insurance policy! Why even a bedside toy bag.

Carry one on your person. You never know when a “ pleasure pecker “ may pop up! Bonus – 1 $ex Dollar bill in case of emergency – instructions included.

#112L

Penis Pouch Contents

Contents:

12 oz. bag of our premium gourmet “What’s In There” coffee – makes 60 cups.
A Satin Leopard bag – 6” x 14” with draw cord and tassel. Makes a great toy bag.
Penis Prognosis Guide... you’ll crack up when you read it!
Kona gourmet candies.
Gourmet Java Pop – all day sucker.
Typical Tropical Tickle Feather
Magnifying glass: Be nice.
Free coffee gift.
$ex Dollar BILL with emergency instructions.
Kinky cocktail recipe.
14” Single Panty Rose. Totally Unique.

* Candy may be substituted for coffee.

How to use this "Bill"

We’re sending you kisses.

“We take great measures...

...to guarantee your pleasures”

Penis Pouch Guide

Please review these “Inch By Inch” detailed instructions or carry them with you. How your lover measures up is determined by your ability to make good decisions ( not really ). Here are the guidelines for your consideration.

Penis Guideline Pointers:

1–2 inches – AKA “ The Inchworm”

Hard to believe God’s sense of humor sometimes. Men have been known to literally freak out with a “mini poker” ! Psychologically, they’re embarrassed and feeling inadequate when they measure themselves against other males and only see cannons.

Teaming up with this man guarantees you the role of therapist in the relationship. Convincing him he’s enough is a lifetime occupation! Remind him a little goes a long way! Ways to compensate are somewhat limited, however all is not lost. Use the provided magnifying glass to gain a
larger perspective. The “inch worm” allows you to be superb with oral sex. He’ll love you for it ! Whatever you do, don’t bring out a ruler! Be kind. Pass on this one if you haven’t already fallen in love with him (maybe).

2–4 inches – AKA “ Tiny Tim”

This little guy has potential! But you may have to make the best of it. After all, it’s not his fault he can’t see his short comings. Realize he’s been watching the Dong Kongs on the porn sites and asking “why me“ or “why not me”?

We recommend getting creative. A good game of hide and seek on your body can be fun. Here again, Tiny Tim assures you the master level with oral sex! Condoms do have a habit of sliding off his penis ( not a good thing ). Our research has discovered that a small party balloon makes a
good covering and acts as a penis extension. You can blow them up before they are put on. Popping them afterward is fun also. Tiny Tim carries the “ Timex Penis “. It can take a licking and keep on ticking.

4–6 inches – AKA “Norm”

This man falls into the normal category if there is such a thing as normal. The challenging part is there are millions of these guys looking for babes like you. Be aware that maybe the only thing normal about him is his “Norm”. This however, is in your favor as he too thinks he’s short on
manhood. Therefore, he works his butt of trying to prove he’s good enough. Lucky you! You can tell him he’s perfect but he won’t believe you.

He’s the most versatile and can participate anywhere you like. The problem is: So many to choose from – so little time to find Mr. Perfect.

6–8 inches – AKA “ The Tool Man “

Wow! Some would say you hit the jackpot. You found “The Tool Man” – Exciting to most, admired by some and desired by many!

If you enjoy getting hammered, screwed, nailed to the wall and power tools to finish the job then this guys for you! Your girlfriends may want to be on the job site and offer to lend a helping hand. Hence the term “ Humper “ was invented. So let it be known the Sex Goddess is in your corner! “ Tool Kool “ It’s a “Keeper”.

8–10 inches – AKA “ Big Banana “

The Big Banana stands up in a class of its own! We recommend you create a focus group to consider your options. They can also be a support group and help you determine what to do with the Big Banana. You may already know what to do with it but expert advice is always a good thing.
You should ask anyone with 8–10 inches of experience to please stand up at this time and address the group. Heed their advice and then do what you would have anyway! Here’s some fun activities suggested from other members:

Glazed Donut Stacking and group consumption after the stacking. Ring Toss and winner takes it all, Coat Hanging contest, Karokee and you know what mike to use and finally, “Speedway” where you get to shift the banana in any way you like to get across the finish line first!!

10–12 inches – AKA “ Flagpole “

Does the word “mortified” sound an alarm in you panic zone? What to do? Run, go to the lady’s room, jump out the window, get out of town, scream for help! You could always face it ( no, don’t do that and don’t ever turn you back on it either).

May we strongly suggest you go immediately to our “ Shits and Giggles” pharmacy and order “ Mycoxafloppin”. It’s guaranteed to get you out of danger! On the other hand, if you like a challenge to climb the highest mountain, to be a risk taker and are a “ No Fear ” advocate, knock
yourself out!!